i love you
This was recently pubbed in Scrapbook News and Review Magazine.
HTDT12 Perfect Blend: Cassie Jones, Designer Digitals
Letterbox Paper Pack and Embellishments: Katie Pertiet, Designer Digitals
Counting Trash Alpha Brushes and Stamps: Katie Pertiet, Designer Digitals
Grungy Clusters Brushes and Stamps: Katie Pertiet, Designer Digitals
Just this morning as the four of us were in the car on our way to Toys R Us, Ian asked me, “Mom, am I going to die?”
I have a difficult time putting into words the fear that rushed through my body just then.
“Why would you ask me something like that, Ian?” I turned and looked at his sweet face and saw tears filling his eyes.
“I don’t want to die, Mom.”
I was confused about why he would say such a thing. Part of me wanted to give a quick response like, “Oh, honey, let’s not even worry about it right now! It isn’t going to happen for a LONG time!” A bigger part of me saw the frightened little boy who needed to talk about this, and I reached back and took his little hand in mine and said, “Sweetie, we all have to die sometime; that’s just how life works. I really don’t think that you have to worry about dying for a very, very long time.”
Ian then asked me not to bury him in the ground when he died. He said he wanted us to keep him in our house forever so that we could always remember him. I wanted to cry. I wanted to pull him into my arms and hold him. I wanted to take away his fear.
Ian’s tears were falling freely now. I held onto him as best I could from the front seat and told him not to cry. I felt so helpless.
I can’t take this fear from him. All I can do is be there for him when he needs to talk about it. I can hold him, and I can show him how much I love him. (journaling written on May 14, 2005, Ian, age 5)