Thank you to all who gave advice on my first attempt at this LO. Katrina - you were spot on about moving the title a bit - it was so obvious once I did it. I realised with the rest I loved the paper color and elements and that the color in my photo was wrong. (I think I over-played with it in lightroom and the blue background clashed with my color scheme). So I went back and tweaked it and think it looks good now - the photo colors match the paper and elements better. So thanks all for your advice. Would still like to know what you think of this version.

Here you can see my first attempt: