I hope, in the writing and designing and creation of art, in the written acknowledging of Him there is some small measure of peace and release of pain. It is a beautiful page. I know you only through this site, but I am sorry for your loss and for the struggle for acceptance you now endure.
Sarah, I am so sorry for this sudden and tragic loss in your life and the life of your family. Your pain comes through eloquently and vividly in your words; even though we never feel words are adequate to explain the pain. The grief journey is tough, but, you are not alone. There will be comfort in gathering with friends who also mourn the loss and comfort from your prayers.