I scrapped this story many months ago and wasn't happy with how my page turned out. It has tonnes of journaling but it's a story I wanted to record because it's about new mummy insecurities. And also because we still laugh about it. Smile

So when I saw Pattie's layout Lily & Sophie, I knew straight away it was the one I wanted to lift! Thanks Pattie for helping me get this done! Smile http://www.designerdigitals.com/digital-scrapbooking/ideas/showphoto.php?photo=50678&ppuser=15&sl=p

Thanks for looking. Smile

A to Zoo Kit
Classic Curled Photo Frames No. 02
Clean Stitched Borders: White No. 01
Ric Rac Basics No. 01
Essential Words Hand Drawn Value Pack Vol. 01

Font: Oceania, Roadgeek
Journaling: I like to think I will learn from you my whole life. You make me see the world so differently and ever since the day you were born I really have had a whole new perspective on life. You also taught me a valuable lesson only a couple of days after you were born. At the time I really did not think it was funny. In a hormone overload, sleep deprivation haze (helped along by some seriously strong pain medication) I was scared that I had no idea what I was doing and was so out of my depth. It is funny how things change looking back on it now. You were kept in the nursery the night you were born. After I made it out of recovery I was allowed to nurse you and cuddle with you and Dada for an hour or so before you were whisked off and I was ordered to sleep. You were brought back to me the next morning at 8am. I was hooked up to a catheter, had another drain for blood (I had lost a whole lot more blood than I should have due to a torn uterus) and I had these pumps on my legs to stop clotting. And I was still hooked up to a fluid drip and morphine drip. I was not going anywhere, let alone able to even pick you up. They had me out of bed the afternoon following surgery and from then we were pretty much left to our own devices apart from the mandatory checks and what not. During our second night in the hospital you started to get fussier for feeding. They told me you were’ bringing my milk in'. This translated to you waking every 30 minutes to nurse. It also meant I had to get up and out of bed every 30 minutes which was not an easy task so soon after surgery. It was incredibly painful, I no longer had my morphine drip and I was only getting about 15-20mins sleep between feeds. Around 4am and bleary eyed I saw that you had a wet nappy so I set about changing it. Being a new mum and only having changed a day’s worth of nappies before (the nurses changed your #2’s before that as I was not able to get out of bed) I did not have it worked out in my head yet. I didn't think to have a clean nappy ready to go. It did not dawn on me to have the nappy sack ready to put the dirty one in. I did not know to have wipes handy, just in case. Throw in the sleep deprivation I was experiencing and the ‘pee incident’ was bound to happen. I opened the nappy; saw #2's and thought I could handle it. No problem. But I wasn't prepared. The wipes were on the other side of the bed; I had not got the nappy or nappy sack ready before I started cleaning you. It was a recipe for disaster. And no one had told me yet what the warning signs were for boys when they were about to pee. Nor had anyone told me it's a good idea to keep you covered until right before I change the nappies over. Then as I was cleaning you up it was like a volcano erupted and you started pooing everywhere. I had never seen anything like it and did not know what to do or how to handle it! I was panicking. Your nappy was about to over flow. It did overflow. It went all over your suit, your blankets, the bassinet, you. I had it on my hands. I could not reach the pesky wipes. I had to bend and reach to get to them. I was in so much pain. And then you peed. Now, I had been warned that little boys could get pee all up their fronts but I had not quite worked the logistics of that out in my head at this point in time. To be honest I had not really given it much thought. Well I soon worked out how. The pee started off going all over my front. Then higher and higher until you peed all over your face and into your ear! My first thought was kudos to you for having precision aim but I stood there in shock. Literally in shock. Then I thought - I don't know what to do. I wanted your Dada, I wanted help, I wanted to cry, I wanted to sleep, I wanted my morphine back. I buzzed for a midwife. She came in, took one look and did the worst possible thing imaginable at that point. She laughed. Laughed. She suggested that you needed a bath (no, seriously?) and we took you off to the bathing room. By now you were a hysterical crying mess (as I nearly was) and she bathed you, got you clean and dry and got the pee out of your ear. All the while I had a mild panic attack asking about the correlation between peeing in one's ear and developing ear infections. After all was said and done, she told me she would be taking you to the nursery to calm you down and so I could rest. I was told to go back to bed. I didn't want you to go to the nursery but I did as I was told. I laid there mentally beating myself up. I thought I was such a failure. I felt like I had simply no idea what I was doing. My self esteem could not have been any lower at that point. Never did I think to tell myself that I could barely walk yet let alone sit properly and I had spent the night getting out of bed every 30 minutes to feed you. I never thought to tell myself mistakes were normal. I never thought to give myself a break. And I never got any sleep. About 2 hours later I had a light bulb moment. I am your mother. I am not a failure. What I needed right then was to know you were beside me before I could even contemplate sleep. I hit my buzzer and asked them to bring you back. I was given a glimmer of hope at an early discharge that morning and I took it. I needed Dada's love, support, help and cuddles at night so badly. The hospital staff were fantastic but I knew we needed to be at home. Looking back on the ‘pee incident’ it is hilarious to me now. I may or may not have had mild anxiety for a few weeks after every time I had to change a #2 nappy. But all of that soon went away after I wore a couple of explosive poos down my front at change time. I had never in my life heard Dada scream like that and nearly split my stitches laughing at him and the poo that flew 3 feet across the room and all over my lace curtains. That was when I knew I would be ok. If I could handle that then I was going to be just fine. And if an expectant first time mother ever asks me for any advice? I’ll be sure to tell her that some mistakes need to be made. That mistakes made do not mean you are a failure. Oh, and that none of the books warn you about speed and trajectory. And let’s face it, Mummy’s lace curtains could have survived if I knew about speed and trajectory! Words 29.09.2011. Picture and incident 21.03.11.