ETA: Thankfully this just all turned out to be a bad nightmare!
I have not had a very good day. So not my usual style but I needed to get my head out of the sand for a second.
Classic Cardstock: Into the Night
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Journaling: 10 minutes. That’s not very long. Yet your whole world can change in 10 minutes. It’s got to be a bad dream right? I will wake up tomorrow and think “Phew!! Glad that’s over with!” Right? Right? Wrong. It’s happening. It’s real. The bogeyman is at the door. I wanted to tell the doctor he was wrong. He got it wrong, that was not what he was supposed to say. He was supposed to say “The tests came back clear.” That’s what they always say. Take it back, and say it again Doc. Please? No, there is no taking it back. I did not hear wrong. Tumour. Right ovary. Pre-malignant. 6cm. CT scan. MONDAY. Go Monday. Come back Wednesday. Then we’ll know what we’re dealing with. Hospital referral. Tumour. Wait, hang on. This is happening too fast. You said what? Tumour. My first thoughts? I looked at Dylan and Lincoln. My heart started to break. Next thought? We wanted to start trying for another baby later this year. Oh no, he said ovary! Third thought? Wait, tumour. Is this serious? He tells me they think it is pre-malignant. Pre as in not nasty yet but can go that way if we don’t act. We think. The scan of the abdomen is clear. More good news. But we need to do the CT scan before we know more. Monday scan, Wednesday results. Pre. Pre is good. I’m holding on to pre. Please don’t find anything else. Please just be that one 6cm growth. Please. It cannot be anything worse than that. It can’t. This is just a minor setback. It has to be. I have a little boy who needs me. A soul mate who I want to grow old with. We will get through this. We have to.
| Date: Sat March 3, 2012
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