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Thread: A chapter closes

  1. #1

    Unhappy A chapter closes

    Sunday night, after a 6 hr visit from my older son, my daughter said she would not eat for me or take her meds as she did for him. He left telling her that was her choice and she could make it and deal with the consequences.

    Later that evening, she ended up calling for an ambulance and I asked them to send the police as she had threatened to kill me. Her father and his wife will no longer be coming up to rent a home and have her with them if and when she undergoes further chemo treatment. I'm feeling sadness/grief for what could have been for her as well as relief that the insanity is no longer part of my life. These kinds of behavior hold the family hostage.

    It's a hard hard thing to have to finally say No, no more. and let her live with her own adult choices like this. If you have had to go through it with a loved one, you know the hell that you walk through. If you never have, I pray that you never do. But AlAnon is a wonderful resource and source of strength in these kinds of issues whether alcohol, drugs or someone else's behavior making your own life insane.

    Thank you all for being there for us, praying and offering support. It has been a blessing. My 'real life' friends have also been wonderful in offering strength and concrete advice on what to do in these heart wrenching choices.

    I don't know what the future will bring for my daughter but I believe in a merciful God, and know that there is a plan for her that is beyond my comprehension or understanding. I have to remind myself that 'that' is all I need to know now, and later. Detachment with love.
    My Blog:Cooking My Life
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  2. #2
    Maureen, I'm so sorry. Prayers are all we can do sometimes.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Apex (Raleigh), NC
    What Kelly said. ((Hugs)) Next time I am in Maryland I will make it a point to finally meet you and sit with you a while, if you'd like. You are a source of strength and inspiration and your staying power is admirable.

    "You weary heavy-laden souls Who are oppressed sore
    You travelers through the wilderness To Canaan's peaceful shore
    Through beating winds and chilly rains, And waters deep and cold
    And enemies surrounding you Have courage and be bold."
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  4. #4
    So sorry you are having to o through this Maureen. God bless you.

    Terry's Tales

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  5. #5
    Family can bring you so much joy, but also heartwrenching sorrow and pain...
    I know what it is like. Every time I feel like I can breathe easy again, one of my nephews or my father play a new card or pull a new stunt that leaves the rest of us in freefall...
    It doesn't matter if it is due to drugs, alcohol, illness or evil human influences - it still hurts like h-ll.

    You need to think of yourself first now! It's hard - but it's manageable! Most of the time... Take care!

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  6. Maureen,

    My thoughts and prayers are with you .... this is a very difficult and tough issue.... stay strong!
    Debbie Douglas aka Minideb
     photo BLINKIE_zpsf19a4128.gif

  7. #7
    tough love is so very very hard but so necessary sometimes.

  8. #8
    It's not easy to say no, Maureen, but sometimes it is the only right thing to say. I hope your daughter will one day realize the value of your love and support. In the meantime, I pray God's blessings on you.

    My gear: Nikon D700; 24-70mm 2.8; 70-200mm 2.8; 105mm 2.8; 50mm 1.4; 150-500mm 5-6.3
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     photo blink1_zps1b48dedb.gif DDblinkie! photo DDblinkie_zps0593abf9.gif

  9. I am so, so sorry that this has happened to you and to your daughter. I know that all is in God's hands . . . and that you have done all that you could have done. I will continue to keep you & your daughter in my prayers.

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  10. #10
    Oh my, that is an awful place to be in! I can't even imagine what you have to go through! I am sure you made the right choices and decisions for all of you! Now it's up to her!

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  11. {{hugs}} maureen. there are no easy answers but i pray for your peace.
    Along for the Ride

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  12. Please know you are in my prayers. I have not been in your exact shoes, but have been in a family situation where I finally had to say, "This is the line that must be drawn and must be respected. These are the consequences." Well, I followed thru- toughest thing I have ever done. Really hard, lots of tears, still painful after 3 years, but necessary. The healing has started, but so slowly. God bless.

  13. Ugh. My heart is words of sound advice, just know that I am mourning with you as you mourn.

  14. #14
    Oh Maureen, I don't know what to say but just that I am thinking of you.

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  15. This is the same child for whom you just made those enormous sacrifices and held her hand through her diagnosis and initial treatment? Not to mention taking her into your home and turning your life upside down to help her? Holy cow. My heart goes out to you. But, you can take some comfort in knowing that you really did all you could in terrible circumstances. Small comfort perhaps, but I hope it gives you some solace. Holy cow.

  16. #16
    I'm so sorry Maureen... we all have to be responsible for our own behavior and it's so difficult watching someone we care about make horrible choices... I'm glad you are able to find strength in the right places... hope Liz can see the light one day... blessings to you all... Carol

  17. #17
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Qld, Australia
    OMGoodness Maureen.. sometimes tough love is the only way.. know in your heart you tried your best, and hopefully some day she will realise it too..

    Time to heal yourself now Maureen, take a deep breath, and move slowly forward.. {cyber hugs to you and Dick}.....

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  18. #18
    Oh sweetie!! My heart goes out to you and your daughter! May things brighten up soon!
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  19. #19
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Melbourne, Australia
    Sending you lots of hugs and love x

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  20. #20
    My heart aches for you!! I pray you find peace knowing you did everything in your power! God Bless!
    Brenda - wife, mother, animal lover!
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  21. #21
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Ayrshire, Scotland
    Oh Maureen, I'm so sorry, you've done the right thing, though I know it must be one of the hardest things to do. Hugs xx
    Chrissy x

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  22. #22
    Your words are wise - I'm glad you are finding the strength and support that you are in my thoughts and prayers as well....

  23. Maureen, you have been through so much. Thinking of you and wishing you strength.

  24. #24
    I feel so sad for you I could cry! I cannot imagine how very difficult this is for you. No words of advice but I will keep you in my prayers! God is great and knows how you hurt! Big hugs your way from my side of DC.
    aka - justbnsharon
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  25. Dear Maureen, I am so sorry. I can't believe this after all you've been through recently and the hope you were feeling that the family was standing together to support your dd through her illness. It's so sad. Sending more love and lifting you up in prayer.

    Mac computer/Adobe Creative Cloud: CS and Lightroom; SonyA57

  26. #26
    Oh, Maureen .. my heart aches for you. I have followed your posts but not commented and with each DD visit, I looked for your next post detailing the improvements in this process. You have done all YOU can do in this very difficult situation. Blessings to you and Dick.

  27. #27
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    A rural city in Victoria, Australia
    I didn't realise you had been through so much sadness for so long. I hope that this event brings to a close this very long saga and that you can move on knowing you certainly did your best and were there for her when she needed it. As you said, it's HER choice! {hugs}
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  28. #28
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    southern Oregon coast
    Maureen, I have tears in my eyes for you. I'm so very sorry. I can feel the pain in your post, and I wish I had some words of wisdom. But you already know in your heart what you need to know . . . that you have been a strong and giving woman. Hugs to you.

  29. #29
    Please know I am keeping you in my heart...I am sorry you have had to suffer. Cyber hugs to you and Dick....stay strong.

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  30. Maureen, my heart is aching for you. It is the hardest thing in the world to let your adult children make their own (sometimes very bad) choices. I'll be keeping you and your family in my prayers daily. I am so sad that things have come to this crossroads.

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