It's as if I've swelled!
A paraphrase from one of the funniest movies ever (if you're in to black comedies).
I have been fighting my weight since the onset of my diabetes in 2006. I worked really hard and lost 70 pounds, and stayed there for five years. After I had my son I added a little bit back, but worked really hard to maintain that (3 hrs in the gym every day). Not a pound lost, but none gained. That was a victory.
After my back surgery I apparently gained back about one size. I once again have lumps where I didn't have them before. It's a wake up call as I have not been 100% compliant with my diet, and I have not been able to go back to such an intense gym routine.
I can do this again, it's the hardest thing for me to do because of various medical issues. But what frustrates me the most is when a well-meaning friend who has never been out of a size six complains that they need to lose weight, too.
I thought maybe some of the ladies here might find themselves in a similar situation. I encourage all of you to find the support you need! :) And if you're petite or naturally svelte, don't take it for granted!
I have recently started watching "Drop Dead Diva" and while I am not comfortable with my size as much as the lead character is, I think the show says a lot of good things about beauty vs. perceived beauty.
I can't even imagine how frustrating it must be for you to work out as hard as you did and not lose a single pound, that would drive me crazy! I have been guilty of being as insensitive as your friend was, albeit just with my daughter who put me right in my place. She struggles with her weight and gets really mad when I mention my desire to lose my belly fat (which is there!) I can understand the frustration! And as for the not taking things for granted, that applies to me as well. I have always been small and never had any problems with my weight until I hit menopause. I gained about 10 pounds and they are there to stay unless I really try to not eat the things I like.
I hope you'll be able to find something you can do to help take the pounds off, good support really goes a long way!!
Sarah I can't imagine how tough it must be for you!
I'm fairly petite (probably because I was such a sickly asthmatic child!) but recently I've put on a few pounds and I'm finding them so hard to lose!! So I'd be similar to your well-meaning but annoying size 6 friend. Although I don't have a real problem with weight I have a new-found appreciation of how difficult it is to budge once it's there! I have a very overweight sister (with health problems) and it is hard for me to know how to be supportive or sympathetic without sounding trite or hypocritical.
Heck, Anke and I posted almost exactly the same response!! Anke, we'll need to chat privately about the woes of our menopausal belly fat!
oh my gosh Esther, this is almost spooky LOL!
sarah, i am with you here.
i have weight issues since the beginning of adolescence and am struggling and struggling and struggling.
sometimes i win and most of the time i lose.
in the last months there seems to be a change as i finally gave myself the chance to conquer the situation slowly by really being kind to myself and changing the mindset.
i have a background of diabetes in my family and am sure to have this thing called metabolic syndrome.
so my way is to cut down on carbs and having my own special diet plan with only foods i love but which still are healthy (for me).
working out is not easy for me. i can only do up to an hour a day and only if i am really fine. otherwise i will get the flu in a minute. really frustrating.
i recently bought a bellicon. a special medical trampoline. it helps a lot with my joints and my back as well.
sometimes i have to take a break from it all and that is fine with me. i always get back on track because i stopped beating myself up.
that is the keypoint for me.
never beating myself up, always reminding myself of what i already achieved.
and still i have a lot of weight to lose but i have time. i cannot change it this minute but by showing up every day i will be able to be there someday. maybe even in 2013!
send you my best thoughts!
I can so relate!! I've always had trouble with my weight. I now look back at high school and college - even early marriage photos and wonder what my problem was. Looking back I was really not fat! Maybe 5# over. I sometimes wonder if I could have changed my mindset back then I would not have played with crazy diets! However, years later life events have played a big part along with the gene pool! Three children, a hysterectomy, back compression fractures, broken ankles - and that great old gene pool - I am in a constant battle. I've found that age has made it even more difficult to loose! About 4 years ago I managed to lose 25# and have kept most of it off until the last few months. Now I'm like an infant - everything I see heads for my mouth!! I can't stand it when some little size 5 complains about her "fat". (Strangling becomes a very strong temptation!!!) It is so insensitive - and hurtful!
I keep trying to get my motivation back and just can't seem to get it together. I know it is hard work with slow results. I really need to accept that fact and get back into it for the long haul and use more of your approach, Alina.
Oh BTW - I HATE exercise - not a good thing!!!!
Sounds like the beginnings of a support group to me....
Sarah, please don't take my response the wrong way.
First of all, good luck on getting to the place you are comfortable with. As you said, you have done it before and know you can do it again... and you will! I have no idea how diabetes affects your efforts, but I can certainly realate to a *screeching-to-a-halt-metabolism* when I turned 36 and my body not bouncing back after that third kid.
Now, I have been a size 6 most of my adult life. I have also exercised and eaten well *most* of my adult life. But there have been times when I haven't exercised for a while and certain areas buldge out just enough (for me that is a gain of 10 lbs.) to put me out of every single pair of pants in my closet. Those extra 10 lbs. are very uncomfortable because my body is not used to them, not to mention the stress (yes, stress) of having to wear sweats every day (vs. a too tight waistline painfully cutting into your flesh) or go broke buying a bunch of new pants. Just because a friend is a size 6 and needs to loose 10 lbs., it doesn't make her *problem* any less important than yours. To her it is a big deal and could very well be the biggest cause of grief in her life at that moment.
I guess what I am trying to say is that you can still support each other to a more comfortable weight... which is different (but no less important) for each person. You could even have valuable advice to give since you have been successful in losing weight before.
One thing that bothers me is when someone says I am *lucky* to be taking medication for my (hypo)thyroid disorder. All the medication does is put me back to *my normal* and the rest is still up to me.
Again, good luck!
Hey Sarah, hope you don't mind me chiming in here. I hear you girlfriend loud and clear. Ive been a yo yo my entire life and in two years I'll be 50 and I feel like the last 20 years I've stuffed about with my weight. Finally I'm done. Once and for all I'm having a last ditch effort to win this battle.
So I've signed up to an amazing program which you may have read I refer to in a few scrap layouts in recent times. Bottom line it is working and since the start of May this year I've lost 21.5kg (about 47 pounds) and I'm feeling great.
Bottom line though sometimes the scales don't play the game and I've learnt there are other measures that give just as much satisfaction. Each 4 weeks I measure. Amazing how the scales might not move but the tape measure does. Each 4 weeks we have a number of physical tests to do, to see how our bodies are improving (like the time it takes to run/walk 1km, how long you can do a wall sit for, how many pushups in a minute, how far can you stretch and reach) and again I can now run faster, sit longer, etc.
So don't get too caught up with the number on the scale, so many other factors come into play.
And just further to Julie's comment, when I update my ticker on our forum that I am signed up for with this program, I see other women who are like 70kg, or 65 kg, wanting to drop 5kg and I have thought in the past are you kidding me? You're already ideal, what a joke. BUT I have come to realize that their loss is just as important to them as mine is to me. We all know our comfort levels and when we start to feel uncomfortable in our own skin. And they have to work at it just as hard as me, to shift 5 kg or shift 25 kg, it's all relevant. So I will never judge them again, as I know that they are in my corner applauding me my achievement just as much as I am applauding them.
Best of luck to you Sarah, it's such a journey and at times a very solitary one, and I find so much harder as we get older, but whatever you do, you need to want to do it for yourself, surround yourself with positive people, hook up with a support group or an exercise group, challenge yourself, take each day as it comes, each moment as it comes and celebrate each achievement or milestone ( not with food though) !!!
Ooops, long reply, sorry :o bit of a passionate subject of mine at the moment.
Oh, I'm so glad to know I'm not alone. :) I am intensely aware of the science of weight gain/weight loss, carbs/glycemic index/glycemic load. I am, unfortunately, blessed with severe insulin resistance and glucose intolerance. One slice of whole wheat bread will raise my blood sugars about 40 points.
Anyway, that said, I have been in all of these boats. Thin, heavy, thin again, heavy again . . . I took a steroid cycle in college and a switch was flipped. Almost overnight. I gained 60 pounds in a month without increasing my caloric intake. Since then, it has always been hard to lose the weight.
My friend saying she needs to lose weight is the same as me telling my Algebra 2 student, "Oh come on, why don't you get it? I can do Calculus in my sleep." It really sounds mean even though I may be trying to motivate and encourage. Instead of helping the student see a goal to reach for, it just highlights the present shortcomings. I think the way to be supportive with any issue that you don't empathize with is simply to say, "I have never been in your shoes. I don't know what to say, but I will help you and support you the best I can." I have said that more times than I can count in the past year. I have friends with unimaginable problems---financial, relational, health issues---that I can't begin to say I understand. We all walk in different shoes, for sure!
I was just so discouraged when I tried on my entire winter wardrobe and everything was way too tight. I can't afford to buy more clothes and I don't have time to lose 20 pounds before winter hits! It makes me happy to know so many other people are struggling too. Not because I wish that on anyone, but because it means I'm not alone. :)
Love you all! You made me feel very good about the upcoming Sisyphean task.
Here is another member of the Team! Iīve been struggling with my weight all my life - and i never ever touched size 6! And there is not a ghost of a chance i will be a size six as long as i am healthy... (as well as there are awful diseases that make you swell, there are some that make you shrink).
Iīm deeply impressed, that you have lost 70 pounds (thatīs 35 kg, right???!!) and stayed there for more than five years! I think the most i ever lost in one "dietphase" is 25 or 30 pounds.... the last weight loss was this year. It just happened because i had to change my routines after a back surgery (more gym, less stress, because i didnīt work for two months... etc.). When the weight loss stopped i thought:"hey i want to loose another 10 pounds" - but until today i didnīt loose one...
I have a friend who is very, very thin - just bones & muscles - and she always emphasizes how important it is for her to be thin and how terrible it must be to be fat. When i ask her to consider that i am fat from her point of view - but lead a wonderful life as well - she apologizes and says that iīm not fat and that it is different in my case...??? I know that she is unhappy with herself - but i think i am obliged to remind her that other people might be offended by her words. (At least that i am!)
I am with Carol: i think the weight is not the only "outcome" i should keep my eye on. Since my back surgery it is important to exercise. This is what i really take care of.
I know how frustrating it is, to try to lose weight and you donīt. All the efforts for nothing. But iīm sure there are effects you donīt see immediatly!
And: you gave me some motivation to try harder (it would be so great to loose these last 10 lbs....). It is a sisyphean task...
Yes, I lost the weight with walking, cutting down to about 1500 cal/day, and zero carbs. I am not supposed to eat any carbs from grain, starch, or fruit---only thise found in **some** vegetables. I can't live without some fruit so there's a problem there. By "some" I mean 8 grapes, 1" of a banana, or 2 strawberries. All day.
When I'm eating the way I'm supposed to, I eat fewer than 20g/carbs daily. To put it in perspective, that's one slice of artisan bread. Most people eat 300-400g daily.
Sometimes people will ask how I lost the weight. I will explain it and they'll grunt and say something like, "Oh. Well, never mind. I could never give up (pasta, cookies, potatoes)." That is another discouraging thing. I had to give them up because those things will eventually kill me. Being left out is hard, too. There are vast sociological and emotional implications to the way I have to eat. It's not a choice. I have to. I really don't want to be on dialysis.
So in order to lose the weight, I have to exercise about 2 hours a day and create a huge caloric deficeit. Eating 1500 calories and none of those carbs. The hunger brings about constant nausea bevause even though I'm eating enough, I lack the chemical that tells my brain I'm full. I can deal with the exhaustion but the nausea stinks. It all stinks. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. :)
Wow - this is more than just a diet..... this is a really complicated lifestyle (and i can see how much impact it has on your social & emotional life). Dialysis is hard as well.... phew...
Iīm all the more impressed by your discipline and strenght through all these years!!!
I'm not going to talk about how hard weight loss is, and how it's about lifestyle change and not diet .. bla, bla ... they are all relevant. But it's all just so frustrating and sometimes seemingly impossible and I'll just start ranting ... and well, you know ;).
Just wanted to say that a lot of my problems with my weight are related to clinical depression and ongoing depressive episodes. The antidepressants I take, and need to take probably forever, have the side effect with me of weight gain and extreme tiredness. Also depression, tiredness, and social phobias make it hard to exercise, so it's a vicious cycle. I'm not going to get in to it. But most people don't understand depression, don't understand why I don't just go off medication because I'm bound to feel better, and inform me that if I get out and exercise I'll feel better and won't need medication. My circumstances aren't that simple, and I hate people who think they understand you or your condition more than you or your doctors do.
My frustrating and non-understanding sister weighs nothing, is a size 6 or less, eats weight watchers food to avoid weight gain even though she's never had weight to lose, and likes to point out that I'm twice her size, so I understand that frustration.
You can do it! I hope you can find encouraging support from somewhere. And don't be too tough on yourself. One step at a time ... (now if only I could take my own advice ...).
Oh Sarah... I am sending you lots of love and support. I can't imagine having to eat such strict diet and you've made me realise how much I take for granted. I need to get my mindset back on track after it slipped during our winter here (and doing an injury while running didn't help). You've inspired me now. Wishing you all the best and please know we are all supporting you here x
I understand that as well. I've never been diagnosed with clinical depression but I'm almost certain I have it. I know when I'm in a funk because I am tired, cannot eat right no matter what I do, and I can't get motivated to exercise. Yes, I know it would make me feel better, but sometimes it just doesn't happen! :) I am with you. Take it one day at a time! I have a problem with settings large long-term goals but no attainable short-term ones. Yes, I want to lose 20 pounds by Christmas . . . so how do I do that? How about today? No carbs . . . walk a mile. Tomorrow? No carbs . . . walk two miles on the treadmill, lift weights for 30 minutes. Tuesday? No carbs . . . walk two miles again, lift weights for 30 minutes . . . I need to set tiny, attainable goals. I know for you, it's the same thing---one day of triumph, then another, then another. Kind of like Groundhog Day. :)
Originally Posted by hendon
I thoughts are with you Sarah. I am just a year shy of turning 50 and have, by the grace of God, avoided diabetes as of yet. It seems all of the female members of my family have adult onset diabetes and have been on medications and diet changes for the rest of their lives. I don't want that, but as I get older I find it very difficult to stay on a low carb diet and lose the weight I need. I have struggle with this my entire life and now I seem to gain weight weekly and I am not understanding why the weight hangs on when I feel I work so hard. I find your post an inspiration to me to keep trying. One of my problems is I can't find enough time in the day to exercise. My job keeps me away for 12 hrs a day (at a desk) and after supper and dealing with my kids at the end of the day I am way too tired to think about exercise so most of mine is on the weekends with all of my other chores. Ugh! this is a never ending battle. My thoughts are with you as you work towards your goal.
What resonated for me in your story is the fact that when you were able to work out 3 hours a day you had good results. That's me, too. I have gained and lost the same 40 pounds 6 times in my adult life. I hit peri-menopause 6 years ago and am still not even testing close to being menopausal, but have every symptom associated. So, although I know in my heart I have to work out at least 2 1/2 hours per day, I feel crappy most of the time from the peri-menopausal symptoms and wham, I am up 40 pounds again.
I used to have people tease me that I had to work out so strenuously to maintain a decent weight. And I thought, you have no idea the level of determination and time commitment required to work out like that every day of your life. No idea how it feels to be hungry all the time, but you can't eat like other people. Ever. But Sarah, I do know. And I am wih you on feeling discouraged. Like they said, one day at a time. One work out at a time. It is seriously unfair. Wishing you luck. And really strong will power.
Oh Sarah....it is a wicked web. In 2003 I lost 53 lbs (pretty easliy I might add) just by walking and watching my calories. Then is slowly crept back on and I was determined to lose weight for my sons wedding in Sept of this year. I gave myself 12 entire months to work on losing 30 lbs. I ran almost 3 miles a day/ 6 days a week=360 miles. I was very strict with my calories, 1,000 calories per day. Do you know how much weight I lost =0. I gained 3!! I will add that I am about 5 years into menopause and it totally sucks. I do have the desire to work out, but don't necessarily have the endurance and strength. I have given up for now, as there is nothing I can do to make the pounds come off.
I do think what Donna says makes total sense, I am convinced that my inability to lose weight is due to my High blood pressure medication, I have asked my MD, ad nauseum, and he keeps saying it has nothing to do with it. I'm not so convinced.
I wish you luck and hope that the nausea goes away.....how is your back? The one time I took a steroid shot (for my back), it caused havoc with my blood sugars. They thought for a brief time that I was a diabetic. But, I am not. (both my sister and brother, have adult onset though) Everything is so interconnected and it seems so hard to sort everything out.
My best to you........
Wow Sarah - your life requirements make it really hard for you and I really cannot imagine working out as much as is required for you to lose. My DH has recently been diagnosed with Meniere's Disease and as a result has had to totally control his sodium. He lost 50# a few years ago and has kept it off and basically will not eat anything that he does not know the nutritional information on. He is managing his sodium the same way. I'm sure that your situation and food regulation is much more difficult than that! Hang in there and appreciate even the smaller weight losses. In your situation they are huge victories! Hugs to you.
BTW - In my earlier post I sounded a bit insensitive - I was really trying to be silly which is how I often deal with my weight frustrations. I really wouldn't try to strangle anyone!!
Aw, I totally get it! And I know about being funny. Humor is often the only outlet in situations like this!
Originally Posted by justbnsharon
I am so glad you chimed in! Yes, people have made fun of me in the past. My husband has said things like, "Why do you have to go to the gym again? You look fine!" and my BG is 150. Or they say I was overdoing it, blah, blah, blah. It ticked me off to the nth degree to get on the scale, day after day, and see 175 staring me in the face. (Oh, for that weight again!) What Carol said was true, even though I didn't lose pounds, my clothes fit great and for the first time in about 8 years I could buy a 12 off the rack and it would fit.
Originally Posted by lizj
And people just. don't. get. it. They think I'm making it up. They have no idea how hard it is to always feel so (*&#($ hungry all the time. Every day. Except for the ten minutes while I'm eating, I am so hungry I feel sick to my stomach. It sucks. But you know what? I'm still able to get up in the morning, I have two legs, I can walk or run if I want to. I can see and hear, and lift my son (though I'm not supposed to!) and laugh. I am blessed, but it is an isolating condition because I think a lot of people still think it's sort of "made up," since you can't see the immediate effects.
Pam, my back is a little better. It hurts at night. In the morning when I get up, I feel sore like I fell down the stairs. The soreness and pain dissipates but I probably do need physical therapy. I'm waiting until after the holidays.
I never ran that much! I am not supposed to run anymore. I am struggling to find a super-effective cardio substitute. I can row on the indoor rowing machines, but they are not too good for my L5-S1 and the next morning, things REALLY hurt.
Hey, all this sad talk is making me want to do some shopping therapy! :D At least nothing in the DD store will cause me to gain weight!!