Don't know what to do - in bits

[Risa]

My husband just got a call from my best friend's husband. I've been trying to reach her for the past 2 weeks, calling and email, but I couldn't get anything back. We've been best friend's for years. I found her along time ago and hired her to work for me when I worked as National acct mgr with Rogers wireless and set her up at home to make her as cozy as possible and set her up with everything. We grew closer and closer throughout the years and I ADORE her. She was my best woman at my wedding. She has a wonderful son who loves the bones off her and the same with her daughter, who just had twins, and has another little boy. They were the joy of her life and meant everything to her. She has 2 doggies, cats and her husband her loves her to bits. Both of them just underwent cancer treatment. I was devastated when I found out. She didn't tell me for awhile bc she knew how upset I would be. I've been very ill as well and still am (my body has been in crisis for a month now and I've been back and forth in hospital, but who cares now). He told my husband that my Gina had a heart attack, then another a few days later, then all her organs began to shut down and they've just NOW taken her OFF life support. I'm going MAD. I don't know what to do. I can't stop crying. She's my BEST friend in the world and this just can't be happening. I didn't get see her, talk to her, kiss and hug her. This has to be wrong. It has to be a nightmare. Please someone tell me this isn't happening!!!! I can't live without my Gina. I LOVE her sooooo much. My heart is coming through my chest with pain and i can't stop hyperventilating. Please, someone tell me what to do. This can't be real. She can't go now. It's too soon!!!!! NOT FAIR!!!!!! OMG

[esther_a]

Oh, Risa, how tragic to be losing your friend in such a way. I am so sorry. Will you have a chance to visit? I wish I could tell you it was not happening. It all sounds so surreal! I cannot think of anything to say that could help...

[dugarner]

Risa, I am so sorry to hear this. I don't know what to tell you to do. Your pain and confusion are certainly understandable and I can't imagine going through what you're experiencing. But it sounds to me like your friend is surrounded absolutely by love, love, love and more love. Her children love her, her grandchildren love her, her husband loves her, her friends love her. What more can she have asked for, than to be loved so dearly in her life, even if her life was too short? You found someone who touched you so profoundly, and that is rare. Those friendships, those closer-than-sister connections, are to be cherished. Just because she is leaving you, she doesn't have to be gone from you. Cry it out. Today is for mourning, but after a long while of tomorrows, the mourning will turn to joy and laughter when you can remember your friend without being overcome with grief.

[SharLamb]

Sometimes all you can do is cry. Give yourself permission to cry as much as you need to. I'm so very sorry. Praying for you all.

[sarahorton]

this is just heartbreaking. keeping you and Gina in my thoughts and prayers.

[echogirl]

I'm sorry Risa. THoughts and prayers are with you and Gina.

[kathie02]

Risa, this is so sad and tragic, and I am very sorry about your friend. Sending you a big hug and I will keep all of you in my prayers.

[digigal]

So sorry to hear this Risa. I think Dugarner said it all, she is surrounded by love from everyone. This is so heartbreaking. You must take care of yourself and take a big breath and slow down so you don't become ill. She wouldn't want that for you. ((hugs))

[connieg]

*hugs*

[Lynn Grieveson]

How sad, and what a shock for that must have been. ((hugs))

[MIDA78466]

So sorry to hear you have to go through this Risa. Hope you find comfort in knowing she is surrounded by those who love her. Cry all you want. You will mourn for awhile but then will find comfort and cherish the relationship between the two of you. Hugs to you.

[Jana Morton]

I am soooo incredibly sorry....you will be in my thoughts and prayers!

[earlofoxford]

I'm so sorry, Risa -- sending hugs your way.

[DonnaNJ]

So sorry to hear this sad news Risa.. my thoughts and prayers are with you and her family

[janedee]

This is so sad and what a horrendous shock. Thoughts and prayers coming your way.

[anke]

I am so so sorry Risa, what horrible news! The only thing I could think of to do is to be there for her husband and children as much as you can. They must be devastated as well! I will certainly keep you and her family in our prayers! What a tragedy!

[whatnext]

{{hugs}} to you.

[Steph]

I am so sorry, Rissa. Sending big hugs to you.

[digigrandma]

I, too, am sending hugs. This kind of loss is so painful. I'm sorry!

[donna goar]

Risa, I am so sorry for your loss and for your pain. Take it slow and be kind to yourself as you absorb this news. I hope that you might be able to be with her family and share time with them. Praying for you and your friend and her family.

[HeatherPrins]

Risa i know how hard it is to lose someone too soon, to not be able to say goodbye. I lost my best friend the same way and I still haven't fully recovered from it 10 years later, i doubt I ever will. But I do know this: Gina knows you love her , she is with you and you can still talk to her and feel her near you. She knows, of that I am certain.

[maureenreynolds]

Risa, it's so so sad when someone goes 'before their time.' Just cry and cry till you can stop. Grieving takes a long long time no matter how prepared you are or aren't.

We have a dear friend who is a priest who always says..."Silent love isn't worth a damn. If you love someone, tell them NOW." I think we all need to remember this. I do.

[krystav]

I am so, so sorry to hear this..
{big hug}

[Risa]

Thank you all so much for your kind and supportive words; I can't tell you how much it means to me. I'm absolutely HEARTBROKEN!! Here is an update. John (Gina's husand) finally phoned back and tells us where they are and we can come. Thank you GOD. We rush there as fast as possible and it was very far. I swear to you, I KNOW she hung on for ME!!! I caressed her hair, head, held her hand, kissed her and kissed her, and hugged her over and over and told her everything I needed to say especially about how much she enriched my life in everyway and just hearing her voice, seeing her emails and knowing she was around made me so happy. But who's will call me and and say "Hi Honeee, and you have to eat more, and I love you babe, and all those things SHE did??!!! I told her how blessed and honored I was to have her in my life and I will do everything possible for her family. She was my sister! Friends are the family that we choose for ourselves. I LOVE her so much and she just turned 64. It all happened so fast. First the cancer, then suddenly a heart attack, then 2 days later another, then all her organs started to shut down. All so fast, in the blink of an eye. HOW can I go on without my Gina!!!! It’s not fair! I was with her for quite awhile and am so grateful I had that opportunity. I KNOW she heard me; I know it. It gave me some solace, peace and closure. I would have been totally devastated had I not been able to see her. I had to use the washroom and told her so, but said PLEASE DON’T go ANYWHERE, I’m coming right back sweetheart PLEASE. I come out of the washroom as fast as possible and 'she’s gone'. I know her. She didn’t want me to be there to see it happen. She waited until I left the room. I know it. But I also know that she hung on 'just for me', her sister!! She son calls me his second mum, and that tears me apart. I phoned him today to see how he was, and he called me 'mum'. I fell apart, omg. I will do everything I can for her precious family going forward, but how will I cope without my Gina?? I lost something so special and it can never, ever be replace. It keeps replaying over and over and there are so many emotions running though my head, mostly why was she has taken from us. But the immense and extreme joy she brought to my world will be forever cherished until we meet again. I told her she better be there to meet me cause she knows I always get lost. My heart is so broken and I have no clue how to fix it. Yesterday I didn't eat. Today I had a banana. I'm 92lbs and 5.5. She was so worried about me. Too funny. I have no appetite and just want to throw myself on the bed. I don't know what to do. I ‘thank her for being my angel on earth and bringing such joy and love into my life. She will be in my heart forever and ever.

I thank everyone here in this group for all your kindness and support. You are all the most wonderful people on the entire planet and I give thanks everyday that you are here for me when I ask for help. I don't know how to thank you all. Words can't do justice now. But please, please, keep sending me thoughts and advice because I dearly need it and would be ever so grateful. GOD Bless you all, and I LOVE you all. I do mean this from the bottom of my heart, or what's left of it.

[esther_a]

I am SO pleased you were able to see her. It is lovely to hear that her son thinks of you as being special in his life, too. You are all interconnected and special to each other. You look after yourself (and have another banana - I recommend banana with chocolate!).

[Amson]

What a true blessing to be able to see your wonderful friend. My thoughts are with you and your familiies at this time.

[mugsbigsis]

It's a blessing that you got to see her. Keep good thoughts.

[jazzmatazz]

Risa, I cannot even begin to imagine all that you have gone through and are going through. I know you have been having some health concerns, and now all this on top of that is a heavy burden to carry indeed. Know that you are in my prayers -- prayers for strength in the face of such overwhelming sorrow; prayers for your health; prayers for comfort and peace. And all these I pray for Gina's family as well. Why these things happen this way, we'll likely never know on this side of eternity. So grieve, but don't forget in your grief to cherish the specialness of the bond you shared. I, too, am thankful you were able to see her again, and, yes, I believe she waited for you. Peace, comfort, and blessings to you ...

[Adryane]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Risa. I am glad you had a chance to hold Gina and say goodbye. Sending you hugs.

[Risa]

I really truly from the bottom of my heart want to thank each and every one of you and I LOVE you all!!! I wish so much I could hug you. You honestly don't know what you all mean to me and I don't know what I would do without you. You are the greatest (and most gifted and warmhearted) women on the face of this planet and I feel so blessed to have you. THANK YOU ALL. Thank you thank you thank you. Wishing you and all that you hold dear and precious, health, happiness, joy, safety, abundance and may all your dreams come true. Please remember to tell all and show all those you love so much each and every day how special they are to you. xoxoxoxo

Risa

PS, if anyone ever wants to talk, chat, email, etc. I'm very much in NEED of a 'friend'.