need some advice

[HeatherPrins]

so yesterday we found out that our sweet little 5 year dog has lymphoma and will not be with us for too much longer. I am wondering how to tell my 4 year old daughter?

[DonnaNJ]

Oh Heather I'm sorry to hear this.. it's such a tough thing to deal with when children are involved.. I don't have any real suggestions except to say that very often small children amaze with their understanding of this kind of situation and their blind belief.. Perhaps if you have a family priest or minister they might have some suggestions.

[dugarner]

I don't have any advice, either, but I know how devastating this is. We had a siamese cat for 14 years, I was 7 when we got him. He died when I was an adult, so I had a different perspective.

But what did help me then was knowing he died just like he lived---he was very proud, defiant, and unswervingly loyal. When my parents found out he had cancer, they decided they were going to let it run its course after two unsuccessful surgeries. He was kept free of pain, and we knew when the day approached.

The day he died, he snuck into my sister's room (he was never allowed in there because she's horribly allergic to cats), jumped up on her favorite pillow on her bed (a double-whammy no-no), turned around a few times, curled up, nuzzled her hand (they had a love-hate thing going on), and fell asleep forever, purring as loudly as he always had. He was without pain, and his quality of life never diminished.

If you've chosen a similar path for your dear puppy, your daughter may understand that he is just falling asleep forever, and that all creatures eventually sleep. That doesn't mean he has to be out of her life, but it can help her start to say good-bye. Whether you believe animals have souls or not, or whether we'll see them again as we knew them, I don't think there is anything wrong or harmful about letting her believe she'll see him again, or that maybe he'll always be around, young and special to her, just where she can't see him. He might show up as an imaginary friend! It will be harder for her because she's known the puppy her whole life, so without a doubt, there will be grief. But children are imaginative, and resilient. Hugs, kisses, and tears will all be in order, I'm sure.

I'm so sorry to hear you have to go through this.

[connieg]

I have no advice to offer, just wanted to let you know my heart goes out to you and your family.

[HeatherPrins]

thank you. My dilemma is her way of connecting things. For example if i tell her she went to sleep forever, she won't want to go to sleep. If I tell her she was too sick to fix, she will think that when we have a cold we could die, etc. She has done this quite a few times already this year from things we have said or she has heard. She has already told me that she never wants to be an angel.

[BrittanyLane]

I don't have any advice as far as explaining things to your daughter, but I just wanted to say I'm so sorry. This is just so hard to deal with I'm sure

[ValerieP]

This is really a hard one, my boys were in elementary school when we lost our first pet-I didnt need to say much of anything-good luck

[dugarner]

Originally Posted by HeatherPrins

My dilemma is her way of connecting things. For example if i tell her she went to sleep forever, she won't want to go to sleep. If I tell her she was too sick to fix, she will think that when we have a cold we could die, etc.

She sounds very, very sensitive. My daughter had a few fears like that when she was younger, too. I don't know what to tell you. When my daughter was facing fears like that, we worked her through her catechism and Psalm memorization, which brought her peace. I don't know how to help someone else. I'm sorry you're facing this situation.

[anke]

No further advice from me, I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am, that is such a cute pup!

[Lynn Grieveson]

Oh what a little sweetie of a dog. So sorry she is sick.

If you have a few days up your sleeve, I imagine there are some good books you could find that deal with this :-(

[DonnaNJ]

Originally Posted by HeatherPrins

thank you. My dilemma is her way of connecting things. For example if i tell her she went to sleep forever, she won't want to go to sleep. If I tell her she was too sick to fix, she will think that when we have a cold we could die, etc. She has done this quite a few times already this year from things we have said or she has heard. She has already told me that she never wants to be an angel.

Oh Heather that's a tough one... I had one like that too... I did think of one other alternative.. I have a friend who had taken in her Mom's dog after her Mom died. The dog took ill shortly after and died. At the time she decided that her kids had been thru enough when her Mom died so she told them that the dog had gone back to be with his Mom and Dad because he missed them. Not quite a lie but not quite the truth either.

[HeatherPrins]

that might work, thanks!!

[Denise Gormish]

Oh, Heather I am so very sorry. Our dog passed away last year and only this year could I do the layout about my younger daughter's reaction. I posted in a few weeks ago. My daughter was 9 so significally older than your daughter. It's so hard. Is there anything she can relate this to? Has anyone "gone" or passed away in her life already? And she may not really get it until it happens. Or even months later when she feels the change. Be willing to listen and deal with unexpected tears. Grief can come out in many ways at that age.

[lisa.hinrichs]

Oh she sounds so very sweet. My DS is about the same age, and I think he takes things very literally too. I have found that the best medicine is always to be honest with him. He asks a lot of questions, and I try to explain it the best I can. Sometimes he understands better than I do in the end, sometimes he keeps he own special belief about what really happens.

[Jen D]

Not sure what your personal beliefs are... but we just recently lost one of the puppies from a liter. It was really hard on my kids. We sat them down and just said that God really wanted him because he was a special puppy and he had very special plans for him. It was very hard and they cried for several days. We had them draw pictures of them with the puppy and had them think of the really happy times with the puppy. We buried the cards with the puppy in our backyard. The kids often run to that corner and wave up to the sky. I don't think there is a way to keep them from fearing death themselves. I just reassure them over and over and try to distract.

(((Hugs))) Not an easy thing to do for sure =(

[janedee]

I'm so sorry to hear this Heather, its so difficult to lose a pet and especially so for the little ones. Our girls were older, 9 and 11 when we lost our first pet so I have no words of advice.

[HeatherPrins]

Thank you everyone for the kind words, i know its a part of owning a pet, but it is so hard to say goodbye. I don't think I can go there with Chloe yet, she just doesn't understand that we won't go either, etc like I mentioned so i will have to find another way for now. I am going to go look for a book (great suggestion) and just try to make it ok for her. Right now we are trying not to cry all day.

[ang66]

I am so sorry to hear this and I feel your pain as I we have gone through this so many times over the years and it is hard to say goodbye to a loved pet! Hugs!

[Scrapbird]

Oh, Heather, I've lost beloved pets, too, and my heart goes out to you. I think that whatever you say to your little one out of love will be okay. We so hate to see them hurt.

[echogirl]

Oh Heather I'm so sorry to hear about your poor puppy. My 4 year old is also very very sensitive and I know what you mean.

[Crystal]

I don't have any advice as we don't have any pets and haven't since we had kids, but I wanted to say I am so sorry! HUGS to you guys!

[digigrandma]

I'm sorry to hear your sad news about your beloved doggie, Heather. I can understand your concern for your little 4 year old daughter.....it's hard to say good-by and it's hard to explain to a child why.....many of life's lessons are so hard to bear. I think you'll do just fine in supporting your daughter and finding the words when the time comes.

[mungerre]

I had a friend who read "The Tenth Good Thing About Barney" to her 4 yr old son after they lost their dog. She highly recommended it. I think it deals with the grief aspect rather than the religious aspect of death. I haven't read it myself though.
**as an edit, I looked on amazon and there was a wide range of opinions on the book. I guess it's an issue each person needs to figure out if it fits in their belief system so please only take this as informational only!**
Sorry about your news, it is definitely a difficult life lesson. I can still vividly remember the two days in my childhood that I lost my pets.

[HeatherPrins]

thanks for the suggestion, i will go see the books!

[jazzmatazz]

Oh, Heather, I'm so sorry to hear about your sweet dog! I've been in a similar situation with my kids, but each one reacts differently. Praying you hit upon the right explanation for your sweet dd.

[susiecw]

I am so sorry. It's very hard on everyone in the family to lose such a cherished pet. I think being open with your own sadness and grief will help your daughter be able to express her own. But, even after losing so many when my kids were growing up, I have no advice. Just know that the right words will come at the right time.

[cheska99]

Oh Heather, I'm so sorry about your beautiful dog's illness. I'm relieved, though, that you're going to have some time to prepare your daughter for this heartbreak. I realized today reading these posts that although I lost and grieved for many pets in my childhood, I never suffered so much as when I was an adult and responsible for that pet. Maybe it's going to be worse for you than for your child.

[HeatherPrins]

yes i am so dreading having to take her in.