Bekah and Sharlah's gift to each other

[maureenreynolds]

I think both of them will remember this time as a very special bonding. I'm sorry it had to be this way but sometimes a child (and Mommy) just have to know it's ok to feel all these emotions - and then move on. I really pray that the next months go quickly for them with a lot of improvement. Maureen
~~~~~~~~~
I always thank God for you because of his grace given you in Christ Jesus.1 Corinthians 1:4 We had a wonderful Christmas at home. It was so nice to relax and wear PJ's all day! The kids had so many presents...some sent, some given by the BMT Hospital and RMH. What a wonderful day just to be home all day and together!

Bekah continues to improve daily. We are still fighting GVHD, the 2 active virus in her system, the high blood pressure along with the extreme swelling she has. (Hi Gayle---yes, they are from steroids.) But every day is just a bit better then the day before.

Today was a hard one for her. I was giving her 3pm meds when I told her that I would take her to clinic tomorrow (Rich took her today) and she just started crying. I didn't understand at first what set it off... then I realized she got a taste of home and here I was- telling her there would be no home, but only clinic again. Bekah rarely asks when she can go home- I think it is because she knows she won't get an answer she wants to hear. What I didn't realize or understand was how she was really feeling because she doesn't verbalize it.
So when my beautiful little girl, who has changed so much in the last 3 months and no longer looks the same, broke down... I lost it too... All I could do was to give her lots and lots of hugs. I told her she could cry, it wasn't fair, we don't know why her body shut down, but it was ok to be sad and angry that she has to go through all of this. I said she could be angry that she didn't get to go to school, or play with her friends, or not have hair right now. She could be angry that she has to take all these yucky meds that she absolutely hates every morning and night and still have to sit for a long time in clinic every day too. She could be sad that her life wasn't the same as it was before. It's ok to feel all of those things..... Bekah just kept shaking her head 'yes' to everything I said. ...so here we both are...both of us crying in each other's arms. Mother and daughter just giving love and support to one another. (I am emotional even as I write this.) Then she sniffed....and said. "ok"...and that was it. This is all she will verbalize to me until the next time she can't hold it in any longer.

Still....we see the light. "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear ... "1 John 4:18

[MIDA78466]

I just can't imagine how hard it must be for them. I keep them in my prayers.

[Scrapbird]

Maureen, thank you for sharing so much with us. Sharla is such an incredible mom to such an amazing little girl. Will you get to spend some time with these precious people?

[anke]

That has to absolutely break her heart, that poor brave little girl! It's good that both had that moment to share and open up to each other! My prayers for all of them will continue!

[earlofoxford]

It's a shame the bonding has to emerge under these circumstances, but they will cherish this special connection that they share. Praying for Bekah's recovery and strength for the whole family.

[esther_a]

I'm crying here, too! Your daughter said it all so beautifully!! It is SO not fair! {{hugs}}

[jazzmatazz]

Maureen,

I'm so glad they got to spend some time at home for Christmas. This is more than any little child should have to bear ... physically and emotionally ... but she and her mother have such strength of spirit. They all continue in my prayers.

[oldvwblues]

How wonderful they got to be home for Christmas! Reading what Sharla wrote brought tears to my eyes..it is so true that is just not fair for such a little girl (or any child) to have to go through such an illness. I will continue to keep all of you in my prayers and hope for remission soon and the road to recovery be smooth.

[readstoomuch]

Maureen . . . what a beautiful post. Sharlah's letter is so sad . . . so sweet . . . so insightful . . . so very lovely. I am sending up a prayer for Bekah's peace of mind and for all of her family too. What a weary road you are traveling. So glad that Bekah was able to be at home for Christmas.

[maureenreynolds]

Sharlah just posted tonight that the Dr. is thinking of letting them go home 2 days a week..Tues and Thurs. That would be so great even if it involves a lot more driving. I'm sure no one cares about that right now! and Sharlah has a Prius so you can't get much better mileage.

It still is a shock to see Bekah so swollen from the steroids. But she's alive and that's what matters. If you'd like to see her in her Daddy's arms CaringBridge / prayersforbekah / Welcome

Thanks for all your encouragement and ability to help share the sad parts of life. Maureen

[connieg]

So glad Bekah was able to be home for Christmas
Wonderful news Maureen, Bekah must be doing fairly well for them to even consider letting her be home a couple of days a week!
Keeping your family in my prayers.

[cheska99]

I'm watching my husband go through yet another round of chemo. We've been fighting his cancer for five years and pretty much only manage to stay one step ahead of it, so it's a painful, tedious struggle. He's been magnificent about it, and in a strange way I feel blessed that this disease showed me that my husband is even more wonderful than I thought he was. It can sometimes be heartbreaking, though, of course, and there are frequent times when I find myself in tears. Therefore I know something about this experience this mother and child are going through, and I still can hardly believe how difficult it must be. Please tell them that my thoughts are with them and that I take great heart that even if just a little bit, this darling girl is getting better day by day. That's very, very important.

[digigrandma]

I'm glad Beckah was home for Christmas. Sharlah is so wise to let Becka give in to crying when she feels like it (even though it must be heart breaking for the mom to see her cry). There must be release in the crying, especially together...after all, God gave us tears for a reason. Children can be so remarkably resilient.....they pick themselves up and live for the moment. I will continue to keep this special family in my prayers. (Life is so not fair....)

(Cheska, I will keep your dh and you in my prayers, too. It's tough going to fight cancer. No one knows until they experience it first hand with a loved one.)

[DebbieHodge]

Thanks for sharing this with us Maureen. Sharlah and Bekah are so very strong and brave. Bekah is in my prayers.

[Aino]

I am speechless. This is beautiful and difficult to read. Thank you for sharing this.

[mugsbigsis]

This is so heartbreaking. I have to tell you that I don't read every entry, Maureen, because some days I just don't think I can stand it. I can only imagine what your family is going through. I keep them in my prayers as I do you and I wish you all well.

[Kathie]

How wonderful that she got to come home for Christmas. That had to be uplifting for all of you. She has a very wise momma--and is very blessed to have all of you. Like Kelly, there are some times when I see your post and I am afraid to read it--but always, always so grateful to learn she is doing well. God Bless all of you and keep you in His embrace.