At my wits end

[rsowers]

Hello my friends,

I am writing to you today for advice. Today, I did something I NEVER thought I would do. I am and always have been an animal lover, and I've loved my animals like family....until now. We adopted 3 cats 10 years ago; they were all adult cats at the time, so all of them are between 11-13. One of them, Clio, has been an issue since the week we got him. He was diagnosed with urinary tract problems and irritable bowel syndrome, and we've been dealing with this ever since. It was clear when we adopted him that he had been abused, and I can't help but think that his health issues are the reasons why because he frequently goes potty (both types) around the house. We've never harmed him in any way, but we're sure his previous owners had. We just clean it up, take him to the vet, and move on. Recently, however, he's gotten out of control. He went potty on our BED....twice this week (once last night), but about 5 times in the last month. I am a neat freak, so this makes me crazy. In addition, he's gone in the laundry room on my folded clothes, and he'll go potty in there anytime he finds that the door has been left open. I try really hard to make sure it is closed at all times, but....

I took him to the vet 3 weeks ago, and it cost $500, and that is the second $500 bill we've had since the year started. That's not including the $75 a month we pay for his prescription cat food. Before I had kids, this was much more manageable, but now that I'm a mom to a 2-year-old and a 5-month-old, it's just getting to be too much. So today, I packed him in the car, took him to the animal shelter to relinquish him, and I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Instead, I drove him home, apologized to him, and then went in my room and cried. I just don't know what to do. Aside from his health issues, he's a really sweet cat, and I can tell that he feels ashamed by his behavior. I love him, but I'm at a point where I can't deal with him anymore.

I know that many of you have a lot of experience with animals, so maybe some of you can offer some ideas on what I should do. He's an indoor cat, so I've considered making him outdoor. I've also considered one of those shock collars to keep him away from some of these places, but that seems kind of mean. I just don't know, but I'll appreciate any help.

With gratitude,
Renee

[digigrandma]

I'm sorry! I don't know what to say. It's hard because you get attached to them and I can tell you really love your cats.

I've lived through 3 cats getting old and having urinary tract problems, only ours were older when it started. (They all lived to be in their 20's if you can believe it!) Ask your vet.....our vet had some spray we could use on places where the cat had accidents to make them avoid those spots.

I hope someone has some good suggestions for you.

[kikimama]

That is a shame. I know how frustrating it must be, and we do get so attached to our cats.

One of our cats used to frequently do the toilet in the hall, or other places, she also gets cystitis fairly regularly. The vet suggested using Feliway, a plug-in diffuser which is meant to calm them. I think it did work a bit, as she doesn't tend to go anywhere except the litter tray now. Though she's not totally cured, she quite often misses, and I'm not sure she was ever taught to cover up after herself. You plug it in near where they usually sleep.

Apart from that I guess the only thing you can do is start closing all the doors to rooms you wouldn't want an accident in (I know, that's probably all of them). It is a pain, but we do love our cats, it would be very hard to let one go, I know it was hard enough a couple of weeks ago when our other cat had to be put to sleep, she was 13, but had kidney problems.

[muddygirl]

Re making him an outdoor cat :- here in Australia we have companies that make cat enclosures. They are like a big cage (sounds bad, but they are great) that is built outside and has tunnels that can come in windows of houses or sheds or joining different larger enclosures. They can be built around trees, in gardens anywhere really. They are used to stop cats killing native birds and procreating everywhere. Something like this might give you a place to put the cat that was safe and away from your bed! My 2 cents worth

[oldvwblues]

Just wondering if he's been neutered? I am really interested in seeing the responses to this thread...it's quite a dilemma! Courtney's cat Stewie will potty "outside the box" when he's mad with her. Having to close doors to keep him in just one area of the house might seem mean but it would limit where he can potty. Hope you find an answer soon, it's a very hard situation. Too bad there aren't little pampers for little pets .

[artmidget]

I am so sorry!! Such a hard situation to be in.

One of my cats misses the box sometimes so I put a puppy potty training mat under the litter box... you could try placing these potty training mats in areas that your cat has accidents or likes to be... it may not solve anything but could at least be less messy. Also if he has ibs, maybe he doesn't have time to get to the box before he needs to go? Do you have more than one litter box placed in different locations?

Hope you re able to find a solution!

[quilter422]

i'm so sorry. my first cat got irritable bowel syndrome when she was 10, and had projectile diarrhea all over the house. god love her, she tried to make it to the box, but just couldn't most of the time. she lasted 2 years with it and cortisone shots. but one day she got up and just gave me the look - that worn out, why are you doing this to me, it's time look. and i had to put her to sleep.

sadly, it might be the only option if you can't find a way to keep him out of everything. a shelter would probably put him down anyway with his medical history. big hugs to you as you try to figure out a way to cope.

[Serenoa]

Having had numerous cats that lived to ripe old ages, I can say that most of them developed potty problems when they were older. There may not be anything you can really do about it. Sadly. I never found any of the keep-off sprays to work.

Is there a problem with multiple cats and are they all using the same litter box? I use what is really a large plastic blanket storage box instead of a traditional litter box. It is twice as big and has higher sides (my cat Cindy flings the litter around when she is covering up).

I also had a cat once that had started life as an outdoor cat and the only way she would use the litter box was when I finally put real sand and dirt in it (that was a pain, but it worked). I hauled alot of bags of potting soil and sand from Home Depot for years.

[jazzmatazz]

Renee,

Never having owned a cat, I can't help you with your issue, but I know how terribly frustrating it is! I hope one of the above solutions works for you. Hugs to you and your sweet family!

[ValerieP]

Whenever I have had cat issues inside my house I either made them live outside for awhile or found them a new home-but in my cases it was because they wouldnt stop marking me or other family members and the moves I made worked-however neither of my guys had medical issues-so I can feel for you, but if I were in your shoes I would probably just cry too!

[HeatherPrins]

I know you love the cats but i am going to be the devil's advocate here. It is ok to let go. It really is.

[dugarner]

I have been an ailurophile my whole life, and when I got married DH and I adopted a beautiful tabby named Calvin. I already had my college cat, Pouncival, so they became a family.

I had Pounce for three years when we were married. Shortly after we married, we came home from a movie and Pounce was unresponsive on the floor, breathing hard with her eyes rolled back. I panicked and we took her to the vet, who insisted (on the phone) that she probably had low blood sugar. I had adopted her from a no-kill shelter, she and her littermates and her mama had been found in a storm drain. When we got to the vet, she died on the X-ray table from a massive PE.

I figured I'd have Calvin for years, so he was some comfort. Almost immediately after we moved to St. Louis, Calvin started acting strangely, namely, chasing his tail. (It sounds funny, because dogs do it for fun, and it was funny at the time, but it's not now.) He started howling and wandering around the apartment, so we thought he was having potty problems. We'd put towels down and he would eventually go. Then over the course of a couple more years, the tail-chasing turned to tail-biting, and eventually we had to amputate his tail. We thought he was a little crazy, so after paying for the surgery, I paid for one session with an animal behavorist. She thought he had some type of adjustment issues. Nothing worked. We tried diet, we tried playing with him, we did everything we could to help him. We found him a companion, another grown cat from a no-kill shelter in St. Louis. The vet thought the discomfort was from Calvin's tail. When the tail came off and he still exhibited symptoms, we took him in for X-rays (another $300) and found he had massive bladder stones. He'd had them for years, and they had been causing him massive, unbearable pain for all that time. I was tortured that I had let him live with that pain, and wept while I told the vet to just let him go. We put him down.

So we were left with Gracie, the adult cat we'd adopted. I tried and tried to love her, but she was feral and never really came around. My asthma became impossible to manage, and without health insurance, the cat wasn't worth the cost to me. Eventually, due to long cycles of steroids for my asthma, my diabetes kicked in. So then I was faced with a hostile cat that enjoyed clawing my daughter, plus I couldn't breathe, plus I was facing a terrifying chronic condition. All because of that &*$# cat. So my husband packed her up one morning and drove her to a local vet who also runs a no-kill shelter. At that point, to be honest, as much as I LOVE cats, I would not have had a problem if they had put her down.

That is a REALLY long story. All that to say, the financial burden for animal should never equal the financial burden for a human. As much as I love all animals, the health, well-being, and provision for your family trumps that of animals. If you can't handle the emotional strain, or the tension or dynamic the sick cat brings to the family (and I don't blame you, I'd not be as patient as you've been, that's for sure!) you should probably consider letting him go.

It sounds cold, but believe me, it's not. I have cried every time I've read of someone here losing a pet, even though I've never met the animal. I love animals. I just think medicine has given us the ability to prolong animals' lives far past what is best for them and for us, in the long run.

I hurt for you, I really do. The problem is, cats are designed not to show discomfort or pain. It's their survival mechanism. A cat will grin and bear it until they are almost dead. By the time I knew Calvin was "uncomfortable," his heart was about to give out and the vet said for a human, that pain would have been unimaginable. So making your kitty an outside cat might not relieve the problem. Could he be in pain? He's lived a long life, and you might need to consider the option of letting him go.

I know this isn't the popular position, just something to think about.

Sarah

[sarahorton]

oh my gosh, Renee and Sarah, my hearts aches for you.

we are dog owners, so i have no real experience with cats. we did have to put a dog down once and while it is heart-wrenching, sometimes it is the most humane thing to do.
whatever you decide we'll be thinking about you. i know this is a terribly difficult situation for your family.

[Applechick]

Renee, we had a similar problem with one of our cats - a female cat called Smudge! We already had 1 cat when we rescued Smudge and her sister at 5 weeks old, a year later we got another kitten making 4 cats. There was never any problems - then Tigger went missing leaving us with 3 cats, then we also got a dog. Smudge developed a problem with peeing in different places ALL over the house! I tried everything - one vet said it was because she needed hormone replacement as she obviously had an imbalance and had too much male hormone (?) Another just told me to get on with it, we had too many animals and she obviously didn't like it!!! We had her checked out and there was nothing physically wrong with her at all...it was a mental problem (another vet told us)

She actually peed on my husband when he was sleeping - can you imagine that!!!!!! Of course he wanted her put to sleep, in fact I think he may have been capable of doing it himself that night - and who could blame him! Another day she sauntered into the bathroom when he was sitting on the loo - lifted her tail, and peed down his leg - I kid you not

At a school reunion, a friend of my DH's who is a horse vet told us that it was because we had 3 cats, he asked us where she was in the pecking order and we admitted that she was probably the least dominant of the three. He said he had had a similar problem and it was his cats way of trying to get some dominance. Y'know, I think that was true - Smudge always ate last, she would stand back and let the other two eat first (even though she had her own dish) - and it wasn't until our old male cat died that her habits changed - she stopped peeing all over the place! - my DH was sooooooooo pleased LOL!!!

I know that this is no help to you - but maybe if he had a home where he was the only animal - and felt secure - then he would stop too! It may be that he is third in the pecking order of the cats in your house too and he is insecure because of his past and because he has been neutered ( I'm assuming so...) that this is his way of marking his territory...just a thought...

Fiona

[Joey_M]

Renee, I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I have no ideas, but I do have a vet in the family who is a HUGE cat lover. She has nursed many sick cats back to health even after the family asked her to put them down (she got permission first). I will show her this thread and see if she has any thoughts.

Thinking of you.....

[Heidi2008]

Renee, I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'm not really sure what I would do in your situation. Pets are truly like family members and it's always going to be a difficult decision, no matter what the circumstances are! Big {{hugs}} and I hope you can figure this out soon!

[digigal]

So sorry you are in this situation. I have 2 cats and a dog. I had to put my dog down 9 years ago and it was the hardest thing I had to do, but the dog had medical problems that couldn't be remedied. I would talk to your vet. You have to look out for your family first. As to putting the cat outside, I would advise against it. Indoor cats are not used to living outside and there are many preditors. They cannot fend for themselves. I would get another vet's opinion. See what Joey has to say. I had one vet who charged way to much until I found another. Your cat could have medical problems beyond what you are aware. It's a touch decision, but not a lot of people could keep up those bills. (( Hugs to you))

[BrittanyLane]

I'm sorry you're going through this Renee. When I was in high school my best friend found a cat and I begged my parents to adopt this cat and they did. It seemed obvious to us that she had been abused as well. As she's gotten older, she has more and more accidents around the house... even on the couch and bags and that sort of thing. My parents did start putting her outside and she seemed to do well for a while... she was maybe 3 or 4 years old when they started that, but it didn't solve the problem. It does help, but doesn't fix it.

I know there was no advice in there, but just wanted you to know that you're not alone in this situation. There doesn't seem to be a right or wrong answer. You don't want to end their life, but you also don't want them living in pain. I would definitely talk to your vet and ask what he/she thinks as far as the future goes. In the meantime, I liked the idea of maybe putting another litter box elsewhere in case it's a "not making it in time" issue... and of course keeping bedroom doors shut.

{{HUGS}}

[rsowers]

Hello everyone,

I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your thoughtful and detailed responses! It's so nice to know I'm not alone. When I read these, I got a choked up by some of the stories of love, frustration, and loss with animals. I also got a chuckle out of Fiona's response. I know those incidents weren't funny at the time, but I can only imagine the look on your DH's face when the cat came in while he was in the bathroom and peed on him. Merr, I hope Clio doesn't live to be 20 like yours. That make me nervous. :-)

I'm sure some of these responses took awhile to write, and I want to assure you that I have read every word, and I'm so thankful for all of the advice. We had an issue with him today vomiting all over the floor. Thankfully on the floor, I should say. Poor guy.

I think, after reading these, that I'm going to try a new vet. I've had the same one for the past 10 years, and it seems that every appointment is the same - tests, more tests, steroid injection, medicine, repeat. I've asked her before if she knew if there was anything that could be done to help him, and she said that we need to keep him on the prescription food and that should do it; however, it doesn't do it, and she doesn't offer much else. Well, she did suggest Metamucil one time, and we tried that, but it didn't work. So...I'm going to see if someone else might offer a suggestion. Thank you, Joey, for asking your family member vet for advice. I appreciate that. I'll be anxious to hear.

He is neutered, but I've often wondered if his issues are actually behavioral instead of medical. He tends to "bully" the lady cats in the house. I called a pet psychic once (I know, I must be desperate!), and she said that he was telling her, "I must rule!" and then she told me that he needs to be an only cat. Silly, I know, but that was 3 years ago, and I still wonder if I should have listened. My grandma and grandpa offered to take him off my hands, and I have declined their offer because I'm afraid he'll be too much cat for them to handle. They're both in wheelchairs, and I'd hate for him to become a burden on them, but now I'm thinking about maybe doing a trial run to see if being an only cat helps. I could always take him back if he "flares up" on them.

I'll order some of that Feliway that was mentioned and see if that helps. I'm willing to try anything at this point. I know that it may inevitable to put him down at some point, but I guess I want to be able to say that I did everything I could to help him. I don't want to make that decision simply because he's inconvenient, so these words of wisdom and pieces of advice are so helpful.

Thank you again for your time and advice.
Renee

[dugarner]

On a lighter note, Renee, your post was funny about the pet psychic and the "I must rule!" comment.

When my sister was working for a vet years ago she had a rottweiler come in with its owner. The rottie had all sorts of behavioral issues; he was marking everywhere, refusing obedience training, you name it.

When they were leaving, my sister heard the owner say, "Come on, Muffin. Let's go!" Umm. My sister had to bend down behind the counter and hide, she was laughing so hard.

On her next visit, my sister gently asked the owner why she named the dog Muffin. It was named after her previous dog, a girl poodle. My sister told her the dog is a boy, and Muffin may not have enough hard sounds in it to convey the authority an owner needs to get across with a dog like a rottweiler.

The woman thought it over, and changed his name to Duke.

Supposedly, there were few (if any) behavioral issues from then on.

True story? I don't know. But it's still pretty funny.

[quilter422]

omg, Sarah, I'm ROFL here. I grew up with Rotties and no, not only is muffin a really inappropriate name for a dog that size, you're right, it has no command authority. if you're going to own a dog that's smarter than you are you need to be more careful with name choices.

[anke]

Oh Renee, I feel for you! I have 3 cats and a dog and other critters Our latest cat started going on the floor right next to the litterbox for a while there and I had to try and figure out what was going on. New litter and an additional box seems to have solved this problem. I wish I had some advice for you other than what you already got. I so hope things will work out for you and your poor little friend. In a way they become almost family members too and you want to do what's right for them also.
Fiona and Sarah, your stories totally cracked me up. That cat peeing on his leg is just too hilarious and I can just see Muffin turning into Duke LOL!

[kathie02]

Sarah, I am so sorry to hear you are dealing with this. I think it's extra hard dealing with pets who just can't "tell" us what the problem is. I see that you are going to get a second vet opinion and I think that is a wonderful idea. From my experience in animal rescue this can also be an emotional issue...but of course you need to rule out a medical problem first.

I don't have any specific advice, but I just wanted to thank you for being such a responsible pet owner. You wouldn't believe the things I have heard and seen throughout the years. Clio is lucky to have you in his corner!! Bless you!

[LisaD]

We actually had a cat with some pyscho issues as well. She would go in places other than the litter as well. I dealt with it because I felt bad for her and I loved/ love her. She could be the best cuddler in the whole world. Butshe did it during a trying time (we had sold our WI home & were looking for our IN home- living with the inlaws in IL). How do you explain this to the in-laws who didn't want your cats in the first place. My Dh took the cat to the shelter. That was 3 years ago, to this day I have mixed feelings. sometimes I still cry because I feel I let her down and miss her. And sometimes I'm fine with it as I don't have a home that smells of cat urine (even with our 2 other cats). Whatever you decide to do is right for you!! Don't look back or say what if.