Wedding pictures

[bjrobie]

Help! My niece is getting married this fall and asked me about a year ago if I would considering doing the pictures for her wedding. While I am not a professional photographer, I have done several weddings for other relatives and friends. Most of the time, they are very flexible in working with me. My niece, however, has sent me a long list of everything she wants in the pictures and exactly when which pictures are getting taken. She wants the bridal party pics taken before the wedding but doesn't want to see her spouse ahead of time so any photos with the bride/groom taken together, we need to do after the wedding. Every family function we have had for the past 6 months, she has made continuous demands of me for these pictures. This is not a paid job. I am doing this as a favor, but I am getting completely overwhelmed. I don't feel that I have the expertise to do the kind of job she is expecting of me in the time frame she has given me (1 hour before the ceremony, 1 hour after the ceremony--no time allotted for the receiving line). This is a large wedding party (7 bridesmaids, 7 groomsmen, 2 RB, 2 FG). I would love some advice how to politely indicate that I may not be the best person for this job after all. I am scared to death that she will freak out at the results or if I am unable follow her timeline. I did ask for more time to complete her list of pictures, but i was told I would have to deal with it. It is too late to back out?? How do I best deal with her and her demands?? The wedding is in October.

[Jen D]

I think if you don't tell her and back out now you are going to have a WAY bigger problem on your hands. I know brides can get a little testy but, you are her aunt for goodness sake. She shouldn't treat a professional like that let alone a family member that is doing it FREE OF CHARGE!!!

Weddings are a huge deal and I think you just tell her that exactly what you said here. You don't have the expertise to do the job she is requiring you do. Tell her you would be happy to be around and shoot pictures but that she should look for somebody with the qualifications she is looking for. Only a seasoned professional could handle those high demands and honestly a photographer that has more than one shooter available.

[susiecw]

Ever heard of Bridzilla? Seriously, I think you'd be doing both of you a favor if you politely tell her you don't think you're quite the expert at wedding photography that she would want for such a beautiful wedding. Plus, so many pros. have a second shooter with them at weddings. I would tell her you'd be happy to take candids before and after the ceremony, but leave the posed wedding party shots up to the pros. Just my opinion...Susie

[hguenthe]

I agree with what these ladies are saying. She might be upset with you for backing out but much more likely to get over that than if you continue and don't produce her dream exactly as she has envisioned which even for a set of pros sounds might be very difficult. Maybe broach the subject with her parents first or do it together if you think that might help smooth the discussion along.

[blkcow]

I sounds as though her expectations are quite high.....If I was you I would RUN as fast as you could away from this obligation. If she is being difficult now, I would only think it will get worse as the wedding approaches. As Susie mentioned...Bridezilla came to mind as soon as I read your post. I agree with taking the slant that the Professional would have more than one photographer to meet her needs. I don't think it's too late to back out....but you better do it ASAP....or if she can't find another photographer you'll be the line of fire...so to speak! Good luck with this situation!! Aren't families just the best!! LOL

[KerryMac]

I agree!
I started shooting weddings a couple of years ago after being in the photog biz for 8 years prior to that! It's a whole lot of work. Let me tell you. You need great equipment, loads of patience, tons of time for post processing and more.
Maybe you could do a little research on some photogs in her area and make a couple of suggestions? Tell her that you want her to have the very best photos and want to help but might not be the best person to handle the whole shebang.
I like the idea of offering to take the candids while someone else does the set up shots.
And I also think she should calm down a bit

[iUma]

And then just duck. I mean be prepared that she will be huffy. And that is ok.

[bjrobie]

Thank you for the support and advice ladies. Bridezilla has come to mind many times in the past few months at family functions. My SIL and niece started out with a "budget wedding" and asked about the pictures. Sure. I can do that to help them out. However, this thing has completely exploded. Even her mom (my SIL) is done with the planning. My DH is an usher in the wedding and "to save us money" she asked that he and his twin brother buy matching black suits instead of renting tuxes. Since my hubby has worn his one and only gray suit 3 times in the past 10 years, I really don't think a new black suit is necessary for her wedding. I am sure a new suit costs more than the rental of a tux ($150 in our area).

I may go to my SIL and discuss my fears first. Wedding photographers in our area start at $1500. Maybe she can rein in my niece and suggest an outside photographer. I also have two children to care for the day of the wedding. I don't feel like I can handle the stress.

[amcmillian]

I think Heather's idea about speaking to her parents or speaking to them together is a great idea. If you are going to back out and I think you should, you should do it soon. She may be angry but she will get over it. She's got some pretty high demands, for a free service. You would think that since you are her Aunt and doing it for free and no additional help, she would be a little more understanding. But family can be like that sometimes, expect so much for nothing. My goodness, you are practically giving her $1,500. I would find a much less expensive and pressure intense gift and be done with it. Although, I'm sure your photography skills are great, or she wouldn't have asked in the first place, but it sounds like she may not be happy no matter how well you do and then she will complain to every family member that will listen. Save yourself the headache.

[Applechick]

I don't think she appreciates what is involved in this and I agree with the others that you should extricate yourself from the whole thing. I would take the tack that you are not confident, given that you are also a guest at the wedding with children who will inevitably be making demands, that you will be able to give the wedding photographs the level of attention to detail that they obviously deserve...so sadly, after many sleepless nights...you need to refuse this offer for her sake... (...and yours LOL!!)
In the UK a lot of people approach colleges and Art schools for photography students to shoot their weddings. That's what a friend of mine did for her daughter's wedding and it worked perfectly. Maybe suggest that to her. You could use Katie's hugs and kisses book template:

http://www.designerdigitals.com/digi...oducts_id/7023

and do her a shutterfly book with the photographs you take on the day (as a guest) so she has official pics and more relaxed ones too that you will be happy to be responsible for!
Good luck!

Fiona

[dugarner]

I can't agree more wholeheartedly with all the other ladies' advice here. I just have to echo it! I see this question come up on dgrin all the time (hundreds, if not thousands, of professionals post to that forum) and the answer is always a resounding "don't do it!"

Besides you not feeling confident, she sounds like a handful, and amen! and amen! to the fact that she will only get more difficult, not less difficult, as time goes on. And I think family members shouldn't be the ones involved in the official photography. You need to be there to enjoy it with your family, and you've got little ones---that would be unimaginably stressful. Add to that her demands, she's got expectations like a client who has $3000 to spend. And if her expectations are that high, she needs to hire someone who can put up with that for her. I would not, would not put that on your shoulders! It's not just the bridezilla issue, I wouldn't do a wedding no way no how for anyone, friend or family, I just wouldn't. Wedding photography is such a strange bird, and you either nail it for the client, or you don't. I've read stories where photogs posted gorgeous pictures and said I can't believe it, the client hated these, refused to pay . . . it's such a personal thing, I think someone who is impersonal to the client should be the one taking the pictures. It's an objective distance that won't be influenced by (or potentially damage) family relationships or friendships.

I was at the wedding of my husband's cousin a few springs ago. I had my old point and shoot, and was just getting interested in photography. The lady they hired came with an old film Rebel (nothing wrong with that, I just knew she wasn't a wedding photographer like she had advertised herself) and nothing else. No off-camera flash, diffuser, reflector, assistant. She was "free," just the cost of the film developing. I shadowed her discreetly during the ceremony, then broke off on my own and wandered around and took pictures. I had about 250 decent shots, a handful of great shots. (By the way, she didn't take ANY of the ceremony. Not a single one.)

The mother of the bride had them developed, and was shocked to find they were, every one, out of focus, people were cut off, they were crooked---she came home the day after the wedding in tears, crying that she had not a single good picture of Brit's wedding to give to her when she got home. I mentioned I might have had a few, and as soon as I got home, I processed what I could and sent them a disk. They were shocked, relieved, and so grateful. But the moral of the story is, they got what they paid for---crappy photography from someone who didn't know what they were doing (the professional), and crappy photography from someone who didn't know what they were doing, but at least knew she wasn't a wedding photographer (me).

Clients who are concerned about cost but still very demanding with expectations need to be avoided. If someone can really only afford a cheeseburger, that's fine, cheeseburgers are gooey and good, but their expectations need to be to that they're going to be eating a cheeseburger, not filet.

Good luck!